She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
