Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
