I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
