His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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