I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
