Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
