i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
