So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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