Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
