I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
