just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
