I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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