She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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