booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
