He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
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