im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
