He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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