franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
