My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i think i have two assholes
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
