Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
