Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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