I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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