I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
