We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
