I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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