you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
