i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
