so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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