Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
