no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
