LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
