WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
