Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I have aggressive nipples.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
