Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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