This is not my ceiling
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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