New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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