atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
