Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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