Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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