I bet he comes in French.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
