I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
