I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
