and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
