Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
