I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
