Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
