we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Someone shit on the floor
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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