We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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