I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
