I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
