I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Your dad touched me again.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
