Got a toothbrush?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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