I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
