Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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