The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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