then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
