"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
