2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
