u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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