I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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