I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
