I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize