We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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