i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
