I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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