dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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