Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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