Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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